Today is one of these days.. One I have not really officially invited.
My little hippie-den, which I really love, and for which I am usually so grateful, feels today like a small, colorful (and to be honest pretty awesome) prison.
Today I’m everything but cool, that my landlord had to walk through my room last night to wash his clothes; That one of his sons woke me up late in the night when coming home. And I find it quite annoying that the house once again is filled with Sunday-clothed people which I have to pass, when “peeing” my wolflet (in my pyjamas… – it’s Sunday, right?!?)
Neither can I find peace with this stubborn heating here, which is once super-hot, the other moment freezing cold.
And today I feel sickish. My back tweaks despite my stretching exercises since the bed here is actually really damn uncomfortable – and somehow I feel bloated and so very much un-comfy in my body.
Today I cannot only see the fun and beautiful part that Bas has a friend over and I, therefore, will spend the weekend on my own. Like the next three succeeding ones.
I feel fed up and like a cranky bitch.
And you know what? – I allow that.
I allow myself to feel these feelings totally and fully. And I take them seriously. Because yes, I have gone through quite some stuff in the last few months. I’ve let go of a lot. And many new things got implemented. I have embraced a flood of feelings, processed a ton and repeatedly chosen to see the gift in the situations.
And even though at the moment I’m not very gloriously wrapped up in my blanket, sitting on my bed and writing these lines, I already feel the shine of gratitude back in my heart. As I KNOW that this is a sign of growth that I am experiencing.
This contrast in my emotional world shows me, that I am on my way. That I need some clarity. That I own and get to apply my rich treasure of tools. And that it’s up to me to change my life’s circumstances at any time.
I decide how I see things. And I decide to see the gift – even though I just can not feel it at this very moment. I am aware that all I have to do is welcoming this wave of … whatever there is. And that this wave shows me where I am standing.
I am infinitely grateful that I no longer condemn myself for experiencing moments like this. I’m okay with not being okay. And love me exactly for this.
This is the greatest gift I have ever given the past few years. This unconditional love towards myself.
The compassion to my sad, tired, angry self. And the complete acceptance of these parts.
Not to fall into this cycle of self-condemnation, but simply to be with me. To stand in the fire and not leaving myself for a single moment.
And as I write this, I feel the gratitude flowing back to me.
This is why I’m so passionate about my work. Why I want to pass on what I have learned.
The gratitude for this security I found in myself after years of panic attacks, all sorts of uncertainties and the very great lostness literally brings me to tears in this very moment.
What a gift, to have yourself so unconditionally with you. In the good as well as in the challenging times.
And herewith, I officially thank every damn hairy crisis (especially my kitchen floor moments), which made me get up and grow and expand so that today I can deal with all this sh** in compassion – and lets me emerge so much more quickly from the underworld where I used to spend months, earlier in my life.
And if I could do it, you can!
Very soon I’m going to start with another group of German-speaking SHEROES, and cannot wait to fly with those amazing women that are currently gathering.
And aaahhh.. I’m planning also to do my very first journey with the English speaking tribe in May 2017. Woohooooo! I already am so excited for this. Oh and – the website still is not revised. So… don’t laugh (or do, if it makes you feel good!)
If YOU already know, that you want to be in this pioneer group – just drop me a message at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will get back at you.
And if you’re not yet a member of the free SoulfreedomTribe you can easily change this by subscribing in the form at the bottom of this page and let some inspiration directly fly into your mailbox. Oh – and you also get the one and only SheroMeditation AND the SheroSheet for free. (Shhhhh – it’s really good. At least this is what I hear all the time (and I think this too;) )
Share the Love!
Be the Love!
Become the Shero that you already are!